Have you ever had "one of those days"? Yeah, sure, I know everyone has. But have you ever had "one of those days" turn into "one of those weeks" which turns into "one of those months"? And all of a sudden you are trying to determine when your life turned into "one of those lifetimes"? I'm there.
And suddenly, I just don't have the energy anymore. I'm not talking about a lack of physical energy either, because I realize I'm still pregnant. No, I'm talking about the mental energy. I have way too much happening way too fast, and I think I blew a fuse in me somewhere.
There are days when I feel like I have no more patience inside of me. I see other kids when I am out, and all I can think about is how annoying that little boy at the restaurant is, and how snotty that girl was with her mother, and how obnoxious that one was when she didn't get what she wanted. And frankly, this worries me a little. I think I might just be the worst parent ever. When I hear that little girl getting an attitude with her mother, I just want to walk over there and smack her. If that kid in the restaurant kicks that chair one more time, I might just go over there and tie his legs to his own chair myself. If I hear one more kid screaming about how they want something when I'm at (insert store here) I will probably tape their mouth shut. And here I am, about to have one of my own. What in the hell have I gotten myself into?
Of course, on top of that, you have all of the pressures of your friends turning into "perfect parents" as well. Not that I don't still love you guys, but you give the rest of us a bad name. I'm so glad that your little one has an IQ of 170 at 6 months. Still not sure how you figured that out, but I'm happy for you. I'm sorry that your child already learned Beethoven's Symphony Number 5, and you can't understand why they are struggling with Number 9 in D Minor. Hell, I guess the new thing is teaching your children sign language. That will do me a lot of good, considering I can't even remember the alphabet. Hopefully my kid doesn't want something and tell me in sign language, because I won't be able to understand them. I don't have mommy playgroups set up yet, I'm still not sure what I'm going to do about daycare, and no, I haven't picked out an Ivy League college and set the funds aside for them to attend. What do you expect, I don't even have a nursery yet.
Have I mentioned that Jacob has turned into a kid I've never met before? I know that parenting across town except every other weekend is difficult. I've been doing it long enough to figure that much out. But lately it has taken on a whole new level of impossible. I just can't figure the kid out, and I sure as hell can't seem to get through to him. I keep telling myself that if Jacob can just make it to his teenage years, maybe I will understand him better. But I think I'm just fooling myself. I don't feel like I have understood that kid since the day he turned six. He is the opposite of me in just about every way. He couldn't care less if he failed out of school before he even makes it to junior high. He doesn't get bothered by any form of punishment. You can talk to him until you are blue in the face, and not get one single response from him. Half the time, he can't even tell you what the conversation was just about if you ask him. You can take toys, games, video games and extra-curricular activities away. No problem, he will just sit in his room patiently and stare at a wall. You can tell him the same thing dozens of times and it NEVER hits home for him. And there are days that I wonder what in the world I am doing, getting myself into this again. Am I nuts? I have one kid that I can't relate to, what in the world am I thinking to have another????
I am so out of the loop. Would a good parent want to ship their first child off to military school or a boarding academy? What am I doing wrong anyway? Should it really be this hard, or am I screwing this up somewhere along the way? Maybe Jacob and the baby will turn into pop celebrities because it always seems like they are the ones with the parents that jacked up their entire childhood. If that's the case, my kids should be on their way to stardom any day now. Move over Brittany and Lindsay, I have your parents beat.
I look at Jacob and think "I'm not sure I can raise another boy. I don't understand him, I think he's from another planet." I think about me growing up and wonder "Can I raise a little girl without losing my mind? I'm lucky to have survived my own teen years, I have NO IDEA how my mother managed." And all I know for certain is that in about 17 weeks, I'll find out which of those two options I'm faced with. And I think I'm tired now...
PS: (small update) Jacob's report card came home tonight. Sigh... He went from semi-acceptable (mostly b's and a c or 2) to failing over half of his classes. Seriously. Sometimes I think he is the dumbest smart kid I know. He just doesn't want to try.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
New Skill
For all of you just dying to get the latest news...I can safely tell you that you haven't been missing much. No really. The last couple of weeks have been crazy for mom, but kiddo is just tucked away all nice and snug.
Although, I do think that the little one has learned a new skill today. I'm pretty sure that kickboxing classes have started in my belly. Interesting times. Trampoline jumping and backflips were the main source of entertainment until today. But this afternoon kickboxing started in earnest. It feels like a party to me.
Other than that, not a whole lot to mention. The countdown to my last trip home before the baby has begun (t minus 11 days). Mom is super excited to see me actually looking pregnant. I'm super excited to be spending a week at home. We are all enjoying the break in the weather, but trying not to get too excited, because Indiana weather is so joyously unpredictable.
Although, I do think that the little one has learned a new skill today. I'm pretty sure that kickboxing classes have started in my belly. Interesting times. Trampoline jumping and backflips were the main source of entertainment until today. But this afternoon kickboxing started in earnest. It feels like a party to me.
Other than that, not a whole lot to mention. The countdown to my last trip home before the baby has begun (t minus 11 days). Mom is super excited to see me actually looking pregnant. I'm super excited to be spending a week at home. We are all enjoying the break in the weather, but trying not to get too excited, because Indiana weather is so joyously unpredictable.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
What A Weekend
Being sick is never fun. But being sick while you are pregnant is a gigantic pain in the butt. I felt crummy on Thursday, but by late Thursday night I was miserable. By Friday morning, I felt like death warmed over. Even now, Sunday night, I still feel like crap.
I understand why there are so few drugs you can take while you're pregnant, I do. But when all you want to do is take a big dose of Nyquil and sleep it off, and then you remember that you can't take Nyquil...let's just say I had a few choice words fly out of my mouth. The doctor put me on some antibiotics. Great, now if they would just start working. And he put me on some "safe" decongestant. "Safe" is obviously a euphimism for "doesn't work but at least we look like we are giving you something."
The worst part is, I've hardly gotten 12 hours of sleep in the last 3 nights. If I could just get a little bit of rest, maybe I wouldn't feel so miserable. But alas, I have been doomed to 2 hour chunks of rest before I wake up unable to breathe. Here's hoping tonight will be a little bit better.
I understand why there are so few drugs you can take while you're pregnant, I do. But when all you want to do is take a big dose of Nyquil and sleep it off, and then you remember that you can't take Nyquil...let's just say I had a few choice words fly out of my mouth. The doctor put me on some antibiotics. Great, now if they would just start working. And he put me on some "safe" decongestant. "Safe" is obviously a euphimism for "doesn't work but at least we look like we are giving you something."
The worst part is, I've hardly gotten 12 hours of sleep in the last 3 nights. If I could just get a little bit of rest, maybe I wouldn't feel so miserable. But alas, I have been doomed to 2 hour chunks of rest before I wake up unable to breathe. Here's hoping tonight will be a little bit better.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Today's Halfway...
Sure is folks. Not really sure when it snuck up on me, but it's here. It's really hard to fathom the fact that the entire first half of my pregnancy is over. It doesn't seem like 5 months.
Of course, the really hard thing to imagine about being halfway there, is the fact that there is only half left. I should really be at least half prepared for this baby right? Wrong. I feel like I have barely gotten started. I'm just hoping at this point that the baby has a room to sleep in. And maybe some furniture. I'm not sure it's a good idea to just leave the baby in the middle of the floor because all you managed to accomplish in 40 weeks was emptying out the room that would someday become a nursery.
And on a less than energetic note, baseball has started. No, not real baseball. Little league. Don't get me wrong, I love baseball. I love watching the kids play. I'm not one of those crazy parents who gets all worked up about it though. For the most part, I could care less if the kids win or lose. The problem with baseball is that it is more than just practice and some games. It's all of the crap that goes into preparing a team, and the coaches (which of COURSE my wonderful husband has to do) and the phone calls and phone calls and phone calls followed by meetings followed by phone calls. This is the part of the baseball experience I am not in love with. Bring on the nachos, this could be a long season. See, I've never been pregnant during baseball season before. And I am not always the most patient of people when it comes to baseball. I strongly dislike when everything else gets postponed or pushed off because of baseball. I'm figuring this won't be a good year for me to be a baseball mom. Because there is SO MUCH to get done, and by the time baseball is over, this baby will be ready to head on into the world. So I'm wondering when and how everything can get done. (And yes, my phone is actually ringing about baseball as I type this.)
What I am looking forward to is going home for a week in April. Mom is flying me home to Philadelphia to spend a week at her house. Thank God for wonderful families who are willing to provide nurturing and care for their pregnant overworked loved ones. I am eternally grateful. It's even better than a regular vacation. Plus, I get to see my family (the vast majority of which I wish I could see more often).
And that is the current state of things in my head and house.
Of course, the really hard thing to imagine about being halfway there, is the fact that there is only half left. I should really be at least half prepared for this baby right? Wrong. I feel like I have barely gotten started. I'm just hoping at this point that the baby has a room to sleep in. And maybe some furniture. I'm not sure it's a good idea to just leave the baby in the middle of the floor because all you managed to accomplish in 40 weeks was emptying out the room that would someday become a nursery.
And on a less than energetic note, baseball has started. No, not real baseball. Little league. Don't get me wrong, I love baseball. I love watching the kids play. I'm not one of those crazy parents who gets all worked up about it though. For the most part, I could care less if the kids win or lose. The problem with baseball is that it is more than just practice and some games. It's all of the crap that goes into preparing a team, and the coaches (which of COURSE my wonderful husband has to do) and the phone calls and phone calls and phone calls followed by meetings followed by phone calls. This is the part of the baseball experience I am not in love with. Bring on the nachos, this could be a long season. See, I've never been pregnant during baseball season before. And I am not always the most patient of people when it comes to baseball. I strongly dislike when everything else gets postponed or pushed off because of baseball. I'm figuring this won't be a good year for me to be a baseball mom. Because there is SO MUCH to get done, and by the time baseball is over, this baby will be ready to head on into the world. So I'm wondering when and how everything can get done. (And yes, my phone is actually ringing about baseball as I type this.)
What I am looking forward to is going home for a week in April. Mom is flying me home to Philadelphia to spend a week at her house. Thank God for wonderful families who are willing to provide nurturing and care for their pregnant overworked loved ones. I am eternally grateful. It's even better than a regular vacation. Plus, I get to see my family (the vast majority of which I wish I could see more often).
And that is the current state of things in my head and house.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
We're Having A...
Baby.
Yep, it's a baby alright. And we have the pictures to prove it. We had our 19 week ultrasound this week and got to see our precious little one. I'm continuously amazed at the technology of having a baby. Those 4D ultrasounds are absolutely astonishing when it comes to seeing the details of such a tiny little life. We got to check out all of the fingers and toes. How cute! And they even checked the baby for cataracts. Like I said, AMAZING.
Good news for us, the baby did not roll over towards the camera. We are still wanting to be surprised by what we are having and the little one cooperated. While I was slightly disappointed that we didn't get a front face view, it was so cute to see the baby rubbing the side of its face that it didn't matter.
I'm still a little nervous about the pace that the preparations are taking. While things are starting to move along, there is still so much to be done. Baby got its first present in the mail yesterday, and I realized that I really don't have a place set aside to put that stuff. The office is currently residing in two rooms instead of just one, and the "someday nursery" is full of guitars and books. Not that long ago it felt like I had all the time in the world to take care of these things, and now the pressure is finally starting. The deadline doesn't feel like some distant day in the future anymore. July will be here before I know it.
One last topic for this blog update, I finally bought and started wearing maternity clothes this week. Honestly, you would think that no one ever gets pregnant in the middle of Indiana, because maternity clothes are not easy to find. But I finally found some that I will wear in public. And then my mom and aunts helped out by sending me a whole box of stuff in the mail. Gotta love that.
So as you can see (well, read...) there has been a lot going on in the last week or so. And I'm sure that things won't slow down a whole lot anytime soon. Next time I will try to tell you all about my fun experience with the NP at my doctor's office.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Vivid? I Would Say Crazy.
So, thank you Sarah for reminding me of another weird thing that is happening to me. My dreams have gone from infrequent and dull to beyond vivid and mostly crazy. I will highlight a few of the really good ones for you.
First, my best friend got kidnapped. Don't ask me why no one else was up to the task of rescuing him, but the job fell to me. And in order to get him back, the kidnapper didn't want money or any normal ransom, because that would be too easy. No, he wanted me to come find him. Well, turns out I felt like I was in a Nancy Drew novel combined with a math class. I had to solve a bunch of riddles, a few logic problems and follow a Fabbonici number sequence to find the kidnapper's hideout. And when I finally got there, giant spiders attacked, a pack of wild dogs tried to eat me and Danny didn't want to be rescued.
Another good one, I led a group of tourists to an island outside of Alaska to stay on a boat. Which happened to turn into a floating resort hotel as soon as we got there. And of course my friend Ang was there. She almost died from a concussion and they had to airlift her to a ship owned by the Navy to have a doctor save her life. Once again, very strange.
But possibly my favorite was the one where I joined a serial killer clan. Yes, I know this is contradictory to human behavior theory. Most serial killers hunt alone. But we were a group. We had decided to kill this woman because she was selling steroids to kids. Seemed like a good idea at the time. But the night we decided to plot our attack, she lost us at the giant carousel. And then we put the job off for a few days because the hotel we were staying at had a really great spa and we all needed haircuts and our teeth whitened.
Don't ask me. I don't come up with this crap. Somehow my subconscious is putting all of this together at night. What's really weird is I have at least one or two of these dreams EVERY night. I didn't know I had so much randomness going on inside my brain.
And yes, I know this is another of those "normal" things during pregnancy. This one luckily is more entertaining than annoying.
PS: Happy Friday the 13th! :)
First, my best friend got kidnapped. Don't ask me why no one else was up to the task of rescuing him, but the job fell to me. And in order to get him back, the kidnapper didn't want money or any normal ransom, because that would be too easy. No, he wanted me to come find him. Well, turns out I felt like I was in a Nancy Drew novel combined with a math class. I had to solve a bunch of riddles, a few logic problems and follow a Fabbonici number sequence to find the kidnapper's hideout. And when I finally got there, giant spiders attacked, a pack of wild dogs tried to eat me and Danny didn't want to be rescued.
Another good one, I led a group of tourists to an island outside of Alaska to stay on a boat. Which happened to turn into a floating resort hotel as soon as we got there. And of course my friend Ang was there. She almost died from a concussion and they had to airlift her to a ship owned by the Navy to have a doctor save her life. Once again, very strange.
But possibly my favorite was the one where I joined a serial killer clan. Yes, I know this is contradictory to human behavior theory. Most serial killers hunt alone. But we were a group. We had decided to kill this woman because she was selling steroids to kids. Seemed like a good idea at the time. But the night we decided to plot our attack, she lost us at the giant carousel. And then we put the job off for a few days because the hotel we were staying at had a really great spa and we all needed haircuts and our teeth whitened.
Don't ask me. I don't come up with this crap. Somehow my subconscious is putting all of this together at night. What's really weird is I have at least one or two of these dreams EVERY night. I didn't know I had so much randomness going on inside my brain.
And yes, I know this is another of those "normal" things during pregnancy. This one luckily is more entertaining than annoying.
PS: Happy Friday the 13th! :)
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Anyone Else Want to Shoot Me?
So there are some wonderful things about being pregnant. And I'm sure if you give me a few minutes I could tell you what they are :)
No, really though. What I don't necessarily enjoy about being pregnant is the fact that I have turned into a total trainwreck emotionally. Seriously. Sometimes I scare myself. And that's pretty bad. Songs on the radio and commercials can cause hysterical tears. Having a piece of trash fall on the floor instead of into the garbage can can cause me to freak out. I can go from absolutely normal to B**** Beth in a heartbeat. And the absolute worst part about it is: I can't control any of it. And the tears are by far the worst. It's like all of a sudden (yes, ALL of it) my world is falling apart. And 7 minutes later I am fine. And I really wish all of you who are pregnant, or have been in the past would quit telling me this is normal. Rationally, I know that. Hormonally, it makes me want to scream. Lots of things are normal when you're pregnant. But some of them drive me crazy regardless.
On a lighter note however, we have our 20 week (well, 19 and a half) sonogram coming up in March. Totally excited about that. And no, we haven't changed our minds about finding out boy or girl. And the more you try to talk us into it, the more we really don't want to know.
And on a completely different subject, (yes, I also think I've developed ADD) I'm anxiously awaiting being able to feel baby move around. After watching the last sonogram, I'm surprised I haven't felt anything yet. Little one looks like a gymnast in there. They keep telling me any time in the next two weeks. And while everyone and their brother has decided to describe what I should be waiting for, I'm still not sure I will recognize it the first time I feel it. Yes, I am aware that everyone else thinks you can't miss it, but I'm not yet convinced. For all I know, I felt it yesterday and have no clue.
But I finally feel like I am as excited about this baby as everyone else is. At first I was just overwhelmed with everything that went along with being pregnant. Now that I am finally getting into the swing of this, I'm excited to plan out a nursery and buy furniture and paint rooms (or convince family members to do it for me.)
So yes, I know this was random. But I thought I would give you all a glimpse inside everything that has been happening in the last couple of weeks. And after all of these crazy emotional swings, I can definitely say, "I'm looking forward to the day when I will be able to have a great big margarita."
No, really though. What I don't necessarily enjoy about being pregnant is the fact that I have turned into a total trainwreck emotionally. Seriously. Sometimes I scare myself. And that's pretty bad. Songs on the radio and commercials can cause hysterical tears. Having a piece of trash fall on the floor instead of into the garbage can can cause me to freak out. I can go from absolutely normal to B**** Beth in a heartbeat. And the absolute worst part about it is: I can't control any of it. And the tears are by far the worst. It's like all of a sudden (yes, ALL of it) my world is falling apart. And 7 minutes later I am fine. And I really wish all of you who are pregnant, or have been in the past would quit telling me this is normal. Rationally, I know that. Hormonally, it makes me want to scream. Lots of things are normal when you're pregnant. But some of them drive me crazy regardless.
On a lighter note however, we have our 20 week (well, 19 and a half) sonogram coming up in March. Totally excited about that. And no, we haven't changed our minds about finding out boy or girl. And the more you try to talk us into it, the more we really don't want to know.
And on a completely different subject, (yes, I also think I've developed ADD) I'm anxiously awaiting being able to feel baby move around. After watching the last sonogram, I'm surprised I haven't felt anything yet. Little one looks like a gymnast in there. They keep telling me any time in the next two weeks. And while everyone and their brother has decided to describe what I should be waiting for, I'm still not sure I will recognize it the first time I feel it. Yes, I am aware that everyone else thinks you can't miss it, but I'm not yet convinced. For all I know, I felt it yesterday and have no clue.
But I finally feel like I am as excited about this baby as everyone else is. At first I was just overwhelmed with everything that went along with being pregnant. Now that I am finally getting into the swing of this, I'm excited to plan out a nursery and buy furniture and paint rooms (or convince family members to do it for me.)
So yes, I know this was random. But I thought I would give you all a glimpse inside everything that has been happening in the last couple of weeks. And after all of these crazy emotional swings, I can definitely say, "I'm looking forward to the day when I will be able to have a great big margarita."
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